Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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