so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
