Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
50% drunk capacity currently
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
