All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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