Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
