Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
