pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
