No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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