You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
