When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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