whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
