508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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