Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
