oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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