HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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