You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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