Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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