the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
