Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
