Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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