I am puke
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want her autograph on my taint
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
