yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
