who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
