If i come over, it means nothing
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
