Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
