She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
