oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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