His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
