I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
