a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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