"it" just moved
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
