He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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