you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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