Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
