This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize