While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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