She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
