the condom got lost in my hair
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
