In the future we'll all be gay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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