how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
