so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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