I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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