How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
