I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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