Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize