why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
