the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
