he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
wow bdsm is so cute
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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