also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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