good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
