At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
