So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
