see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
