I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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