i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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