We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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