how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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