I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
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