it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
