went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
