I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
