Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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